You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
