how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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