he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
