I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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