but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
