She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
