just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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