We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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