I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize