she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
