Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize