im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
