Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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