i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
