I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
