Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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