so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize