Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
