Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
