bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
