Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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