I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
