Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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