Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
