she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
