So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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