when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
