You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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