So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
