I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
