1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
