at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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