All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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