allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
