I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
