Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
