It's like God shit irony all over that family
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think people are normalizing furries
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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