He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
