I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
