this beer tastes like vomit already
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
