Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
