what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
