He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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