Can i not drive my cunt home
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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