Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
