But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
