I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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