yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
