Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
