just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
