So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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