I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
did i just pee glitter
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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