took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
