my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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