Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
