We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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