Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize