I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
