dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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