Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
