Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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