When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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