just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize