I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
