The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
