somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
